So I am being dumb and feminine and used all over again. I'm all like "Grrr, never touching that boy again, nothing but bad news," then I'm all "Mmmm, so strong, must have."At least I'm not delusional enough to think he loves me anymore. I know this is simply a sex thing. But hey, if that's all I can have, I'm going to take it I guess.
He said "Tonight is your night," and he did everything to me you can imagine. But he didn't let me touch him for a long time. I don't know, it's so weird. He is always weird. I should be used to it.
Am I in love really really? He is so comforting. But I don't know what love is. His body is the hardest thing I have ever felt. Everything he does makes me want to cry and kiss him and melt into him, but when I am with him, it is weaker than when I am not. He tries to impress me by remembering things about me. He makes me laugh. I miss him right now.
Melissa Etheridge has such good lyrics, she knows everything there is to know about bad relationships. Also, The Mountain Goats rock out. See it here. Mountain Goat songs, however, make me want to live out in the country and be a transient. Oh well. John Coltraine is some sweet shit, listen. As you can tell, I am in a really musical mood.
Champagne bubbled up through the neck of the bottle,
And sweet silence came out through the radio.
It was John Coltrane.
God damn it, I love John Coltrane!
You danced across the living room floor,
And you kissed me once and then you kissed me some more.
You had your arms wrapped around my neck and it felt real fine,
And then your ankle knocked up against mine.
And resonating in my bones,
Was the precise crisp drumming of Mr. Elvin Jones.
God damn it, I love John Coltrane!
I am reading a book called Ecstasy Club. Very good, very good.
"An eerie tale of twentysomethings caught up in an increasingly trippy world of homegrown religion. Rushkoff's novel drops several characters-hacker, hipster, hustler, hippie-into a pop culture Cuisinart along with a nice Jewish boy, and then spins them off into an intricate plot that leads to a showdown with the leader of a rival cultlike group."
It makes you think. I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I was happy, then sad, and now I am happy. I love being accepting. The one thing I need to learn in life is to accept other people as they are, and to love them. I think I am. I am trying to. I must do a better job!
