My grandma wanted me to eat lunch with her today, and I promised to call her back but I just went back to sleep. Till 3 o clock. In the process ignoring a total of 23 calls. My mom was worried so I told her I had been at Walgreens. When she got home I was still in my pajamas. She is a dense woman.Brian is all "Yo let's do stuff." so we take the XXX train to Belmont and don't buy a bowl due to the fact all you 18 year olds are cock sucking panty wastes.
Then we walk to Boystown, in specific to this store we go to which I don't really know the name of but which is eternally cool. The guy who waits on us most often is Tony. So we dig around in the infinite joy of their discount bargain porn-outfit latex-o-rama of a basement. (Where I often fear for Brian's ass-ginity.) Brian got some shit, and I got a shirt with Absolut Slut emblazoned on the front. Now, this could either mean that I like any type of Absolut known to man. Be it orange Absolut, Absolut-on-the-rocks, or a nice well hung black Absolut. Or it could also mean I like to get really drunk and fuck anything that moves. Either way, it's an informative shirt.
Once at the register, I noted that they sold pipes. Being the dangerously fierce gay men that they are, they sold it to me, no questions asked. (Considering they all know my age, that is pretty fucking amazing.)
Problem being, this thing doesn't have a screen and they don't sell them. So we ponder this for awhile. Eventually settling on using an exacto-knife (which, mind you, Brian stole from school,) to cut out a piece of window screen and use that. We are poor, poor souls.
So here I am at home. I ate a tub of macaroni salad, and some roast beef. When I was little I was really scared to eat it after one day because my mom said it goes bad. But, in all my teenage wisdom I have just eaten three day old roast beef and the shit tastes like cat food. Seriously. And I think this other thing used to be a marshmallow before it turned into an igneous rock.
My asshole and my nose and ears have started an orifice abtinence club, being the only things never penetrated by a penis and all. But then they were all talking and they realized how much they love being splattered in thick, gooey, warm and delicious cum. So now they are all fucking cum sluts and they won't stop fucking hitting on guys. I mean really it's shameless. (Plus after I learned of their club I reminded how they had all been penetrated with either fingers or a q-tip or both. And no you sick fuck, I didn't stick my fingers up my ass. I used a q-tip.)
My mom thinks she got me a job. Tomorrow is my mock interview except I get paid 5 dollars on hour for it. It's working with Corel Presentation or something. All I know is it is at a lawyers office and has to do with graphs. And if I am good and they hire me, I make $15 an hour for doing graphic design which is something I love. My number one main plan though, is to go in there dressed real nice, make everyone think I am 18, suck an up and coming young lawyers dick, marry him and be set for life. Well, I think it's realistic.
Today we broke our previous record for number of times using "ass-ginity" in a sentence.
As lewd as I wanna be.
